Tag Archives: emotions

the ‘unloveables’

This post is dedicated to the ones with the wall around their heart, built so high and so strong, that entry is impossible; the ones who are scared; the ones who don’t accept love, even when it is handed to them with a cherry on top…

the unloveables.

I’m sure we all have these people in our lives or some of us may even be these people. I call them “the unloveables”. Not because nobody loves them, but simply because nobody could ever love them enough. They’re not the ‘heartbreak kids’, the ones who have loved and been hurt too many times to love again. They’re not fragile. They’re not sad. Well, maybe they are, but they don’t know that. They’re not something you treat gently, because the unloveables rarely come packaged up in bubble wrap with caution signs.

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They’re usually always smiling. They’re tough and a little rough around the edges. They laugh at jokes at their expense and don’t need the reassurance of many. The unloveables are the ‘independent’ ones. They’re usually the people who you might even admire, for they never need someone to make them happy. They can do that on their own. They rarely ever fall in love. Nobody can disappoint them, because they rely on themselves and set no expectations. But, true and complete independence is a facade. And though nobody may be able to disrupt that little self-sustaining world, nobody is there to make it better. Nobody is there to show you what you’re missing. Of course, I believe in inner happiness (didn’t I blog about inner peace?), but sometimes we all need somebody.

I always felt the unloveables were lonely. It must be tough to never know love and guard that fortress around their heart. Sure, they’re happy, but they’re missing out. And I felt bad, even though I shouldn’t. But then I met one. And loving an unloveable?

That’s even tougher.

XX, K  (sorry for the late post!)

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dust bunnies

We’ve all done it. Seen a little bit of dust or crumbs on our floor, but instead of picking it up or throwing it away, we push it under the rug. That little nuisance is out of sight, out of mind! But what happens when you keep sweeping things under the rug? Pretty soon, all those specks of dust begins to pile up and before you know it, it’s obvious there is something under that rug. And when somebody else decides to peek underneath, all the dust bunnies come swarming out and you remember just how many bits of dirt you’ve hidden under that rug.

That’s what it’s like in my mind.

I like to sweep all my troubles away. I like to pretend they don’t exist, because then, for a little while, everything is perfect and nothing hurts. And life goes on, just the way I want it to. Until I remember just how many things I’ve tried to forget. And I realize that I can’t really just forget them. Pretty soon, those dust bunnies come out from under that rug and I’m suffocating in my past.

But I (along with most everyone else) always forget that you can always can clean everything up. It might take time, it might not be easy, it might be tiring exhausting, and it will definitely make you regret ever pushing things away. But even the biggest pile of hidden dust bunnies can be gathered up and thrown out. Even our most haunting mistakes can be washed away. We won’t forget what happened, but we can get rid of the pain it’s caused. We can always start fresh.

Lesson to learn? Stop sweeping that dust under the rug. Stop trying to forget, but rather learn to accept and move forward. With a little bit of struggle and suffering now, you’ll save yourself from that avalanche of hopelessness later on.

XX, K

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dance your heart out, literally

Tonight I got to teach contemporary to a class of hip-hop dancers. And it was beautiful. 

My favourite thing in the world is putting your whole soul into choreography, then teaching it and watching different emotions pour out onto the hardwood floor of a studio and into your heart. Sharing, growing, inspiring…is there anything more rewarding as a dancer?? Dance is such an interactive art. Oh the feels!!!

In a way, dance is like the perfect best friend. Always there when you need to let off steam, cry your eyes out, or even just goof around. Dance is a way to channel all your energy, whether its negative or positive, into something beautiful. I don’t just love to dance, I love dance.

When you can just feel sadness coursing though your veins, feel happiness guiding your legs across the floor, or see someone’s struggle just through their movement…that is what I live for. I’ve never been the best technical dancer, and unless your Hayden Hopkins, most of us probably aren’t either. But by dancing, if you can take your whole heart, everything you’ve ever felt, and place it in the palm of your hands and offer it up without hesitation…thats more valuable than even the longest lines and most gorgeous arches.

As I dancer, I am definitely not be perfect. But my flaws allow me to trace every movement with a piece of my soul. And I am no longer there to impress you, but rather to show you who I am. And I love being able to do that.

So I would just like to say thank you. To the perfect best friend I’ve had since 3 years old, to my emotional release, to dance. Thank you, for letting me be who I truly am.

XX, K

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my heart to take

“I’ll close my eyes and pretend I don’t see, the love you don’t feel when you’re holding me”

Is there anything worse than investing your everything into someone, only to realize they gave you nothing in return?

And yea, there is.

When you can’t stop giving bits and pieces of yourself up to someone who keeps taking it. Even when they don’t want it. Even when you have nothing else to give and all your left with is a shell of who you used to be. That’s worse.

XX, K

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