Category Archives: dream on, dreamer

the ‘unloveables’

This post is dedicated to the ones with the wall around their heart, built so high and so strong, that entry is impossible; the ones who are scared; the ones who don’t accept love, even when it is handed to them with a cherry on top…

the unloveables.

I’m sure we all have these people in our lives or some of us may even be these people. I call them “the unloveables”. Not because nobody loves them, but simply because nobody could ever love them enough. They’re not the ‘heartbreak kids’, the ones who have loved and been hurt too many times to love again. They’re not fragile. They’re not sad. Well, maybe they are, but they don’t know that. They’re not something you treat gently, because the unloveables rarely come packaged up in bubble wrap with caution signs.

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They’re usually always smiling. They’re tough and a little rough around the edges. They laugh at jokes at their expense and don’t need the reassurance of many. The unloveables are the ‘independent’ ones. They’re usually the people who you might even admire, for they never need someone to make them happy. They can do that on their own. They rarely ever fall in love. Nobody can disappoint them, because they rely on themselves and set no expectations. But, true and complete independence is a facade. And though nobody may be able to disrupt that little self-sustaining world, nobody is there to make it better. Nobody is there to show you what you’re missing. Of course, I believe in inner happiness (didn’t I blog about inner peace?), but sometimes we all need somebody.

I always felt the unloveables were lonely. It must be tough to never know love and guard that fortress around their heart. Sure, they’re happy, but they’re missing out. And I felt bad, even though I shouldn’t. But then I met one. And loving an unloveable?

That’s even tougher.

XX, K  (sorry for the late post!)

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dust bunnies

We’ve all done it. Seen a little bit of dust or crumbs on our floor, but instead of picking it up or throwing it away, we push it under the rug. That little nuisance is out of sight, out of mind! But what happens when you keep sweeping things under the rug? Pretty soon, all those specks of dust begins to pile up and before you know it, it’s obvious there is something under that rug. And when somebody else decides to peek underneath, all the dust bunnies come swarming out and you remember just how many bits of dirt you’ve hidden under that rug.

That’s what it’s like in my mind.

I like to sweep all my troubles away. I like to pretend they don’t exist, because then, for a little while, everything is perfect and nothing hurts. And life goes on, just the way I want it to. Until I remember just how many things I’ve tried to forget. And I realize that I can’t really just forget them. Pretty soon, those dust bunnies come out from under that rug and I’m suffocating in my past.

But I (along with most everyone else) always forget that you can always can clean everything up. It might take time, it might not be easy, it might be tiring exhausting, and it will definitely make you regret ever pushing things away. But even the biggest pile of hidden dust bunnies can be gathered up and thrown out. Even our most haunting mistakes can be washed away. We won’t forget what happened, but we can get rid of the pain it’s caused. We can always start fresh.

Lesson to learn? Stop sweeping that dust under the rug. Stop trying to forget, but rather learn to accept and move forward. With a little bit of struggle and suffering now, you’ll save yourself from that avalanche of hopelessness later on.

XX, K

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dance your heart out, literally

Tonight I got to teach contemporary to a class of hip-hop dancers. And it was beautiful. 

My favourite thing in the world is putting your whole soul into choreography, then teaching it and watching different emotions pour out onto the hardwood floor of a studio and into your heart. Sharing, growing, inspiring…is there anything more rewarding as a dancer?? Dance is such an interactive art. Oh the feels!!!

In a way, dance is like the perfect best friend. Always there when you need to let off steam, cry your eyes out, or even just goof around. Dance is a way to channel all your energy, whether its negative or positive, into something beautiful. I don’t just love to dance, I love dance.

When you can just feel sadness coursing though your veins, feel happiness guiding your legs across the floor, or see someone’s struggle just through their movement…that is what I live for. I’ve never been the best technical dancer, and unless your Hayden Hopkins, most of us probably aren’t either. But by dancing, if you can take your whole heart, everything you’ve ever felt, and place it in the palm of your hands and offer it up without hesitation…thats more valuable than even the longest lines and most gorgeous arches.

As I dancer, I am definitely not be perfect. But my flaws allow me to trace every movement with a piece of my soul. And I am no longer there to impress you, but rather to show you who I am. And I love being able to do that.

So I would just like to say thank you. To the perfect best friend I’ve had since 3 years old, to my emotional release, to dance. Thank you, for letting me be who I truly am.

XX, K

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eternal sunshine

Winter blues have gotten me yet again! Last week I posted about my California dreams (sigh), and that only made things worse. Sitting at home, cold and shivery from the walk home, bundled up to my eyeballs in blankets and studying my big, fat psych textbook made me seriously nostalgic for the sunshine. Because for me, with the sun comes the ocean washing away all of my worries, a reminder of a carefree childhood, a freedom from the stress of reality. With the sun, comes peace.

photo credit to 1107photography.wordpress.com

Something can be said for the dreamers that can transport themselves anywhere, without needing to actually relocate. It’s a beautiful mentality, to be able to dream a dream so real that it becomes reality for that little while, and totally removes you from the present. This is what I’m striving for!

A way of mentally eternal sunshine.

Really, a way to find inner peace. As stupid and ‘look-at-me-i-do-yoga‘ as it sounds…imagine being able to never need anything, because you have everything you need with you in that moment. (It’s so tough writing about things like this without sounding like a loony, travelling gypsy freak. I promise I’m not.)

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So far, it’s been a struggle distancing myself from the pulls of reality and really give myself time to let my imagination loose. And it’s going to take some time to have the power to let go (a skill totally underrated and underestimated)But just by taking a few breaths of fresh air every now and then, I am learning to find peace in the most chaotic situations. And that’s what it is all about.

There you have it, your first real look into my deep/philosophical side. I can get really into topics of inspiration and self-improvement, as I feel its an important part of growing as a person and coping with struggle. While I love to be silly and happy, a little thing called life sometimes happens. And when life does give you pain and heartbreak, finding eternal sunshine can help turn that into something beautiful!

Enough of my rambling though, until next time…

XX, K

(first photo: credit to 1107photography, thank you for the beautiful photo and spark of inspiration!)

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keep fighting

keep fighting

For those heartaches that never seem to go away, I have a THE perfect remedy. Drink tea, listen to anything by Birdy or Daughter, and read Tyler Knott Gregson‘s poetry. Heartbreaking and healing, each poem/quote is layered with truth and emotion. It’s pure artistry.

Those tears will stop in no time. I promise.

XX, K

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do you want to go to the seaside?

First of all, if you haven’t heard of The Kooks…what kind of strange rock are you living under?! Their music is my sunshine on a cloudy day!! There is no other way to describe their beach-y, chill, rocker vibe. Prepare to have your world rocked. Literally.

Honestly, I’m sure in my past life I was a sea turtle. Relationship? No thank you, I’m in love with the ocean. I live probably the farthest you could get from an ocean and I think its slowly killing me. Ever been in a long distance relationship? Imagine that feeling but 298347987x worse. I am a beach bum and proud of it.

Ever since I was a fetus, I have gone to California at least once a year. And maybe I never had any control for this deep rooted love for the sand, sea and sun; looking back, it was forced upon me as a baby. I imagine small fetus me being all, “Where are we? Why is everything so warm and watery…OMG there is sand in my diaper!” and the California coastline is all, “You better get used to me, you’ll be coming here every year”. So, every year, without fail; I’d ride the coin operated clown ride on Santa Monica Pier and rock my water wings in the Pacific ocean. And before you know it, the love wasn’t forced anymore. It was REAL.

So, as far as my career and life choices go, I’m hopelessly lost. But one thing I know for sure…whatever it takes, one day you’re all going to be addressing all my mail to Ocean Front Walk, Santa Monica, California.

XX, K

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